


Glass Shards

by JoeiMarie21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeiMarie21/pseuds/JoeiMarie21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean takes a look in the mirror, and doesn't like what he sees, good thing Armin is there to patch him up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glass Shards

Two months, you’d think it would’ve gotten easier by now right? Nope, if anything it’s getting worse. I can’t sleep because most nights I’m haunted by the image of you… On that day.. Other nights I won’t even try to sleep for fear of waking up screaming your name… It’s happened more than you’d think.

I drag myself out of the bed and stare at the mirror across the room. That can’t be me, since when have I been so pale? I touch the dark circles under my eyes, when did my face get so hollow and thin? I look awful.

Pathetic.

I can’t stand to look at it anymore, I put my head in my hands, I notice they’re shaking, they won’t stop, my breath is coming in short gasps now. Not again, please not again, a sob escapes my mouth. I sound like a yelping dog, how fucking pitiful. I can’t even calm my breathing down, I’m hyperventilating now, and tears are starting to fall, I choke out another sob. Shut up! You sound so pathetic! Get a hold of yourself Jean!

I try to stand, maybe walking will help, but my legs are shaking and I fall. I lay on the floor for a while sobbing relentlessly. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, why him of all people! He was the best person I’ll ever know, he was kind, caring, and thoughtful to everyone. Most of all he put up with my shit. Total opposites he and I, I’m arrogant, rude, and selfish, everything he’s not or wasn’t… He always knew what to say…. Why do the good always seem to leave?

I try to stand again, my legs shake, but I get on my knees. It should have been me, his life is worth hundreds maybe thousands of mine. I look in the mirror again, my eyes red and puffy from crying, my lip is bleeding, I must have been biting it. I look like I just took a beating.

Pathetic.

I grab the nearest object, which happens to be my boot , and screaming I throw it at the mirror. Shards of glass spray out across the room, a few hitting me, but none cutting too deep, some do cause me to bleed, however, I don’t feel it.

Some pieces remain, still attached to the wall, but they are shattered as well, now instead of one reflection staring back at me, I now have many, too many. I still look so god damned pathetic. I begin punching the mirror, punching punching punching, my knuckles start to bleed, but each time it shatters, I feel a little better.

I scream as I take out my frustration, glass falling around me and blood staining the wooden floor. Finally, when the glass is gone I stare at the bare wall that is left behind. Much better, not being able to see myself, covered in tears and blood.

I hear a knock at the door, “Go away!” My voice is rough from crying and it cracks. Whoever it is doesn’t listen, he comes through anyway looking concerned.

“Jean! Are you alright? I heard screaming. What the hell happened to you?!” Armin asked looking at the mess I made. He kneels next to me and takes one of my hands in his, or at least he tries to, but I jerk away from him. “Jean you have glass shards in your hand, we need to get you to the infirmary.”

I shake my head. “No.” Is all I say because what am I supposed to say? It was an accident? I tripped? My boot slipped? I can’t tell them the truth, that I couldn’t stand looking at my pathetic fucking face any longer. That the physical pain I’m feeling now feels so much better than the pain of losing you.

Armin gets up and walks out, closing the door behind him. Look at that Jean, no one wants to look at your pathetic face anymore. I feel tears threatening to fall again but I slam my fist down and feel a sharp pain in my wrist, I look down at it and see a shard of glass sticking out of it. At this rate, maybe I’ll just bleed out.

As I put my head in my hands, I hear the door open again, but I don’t bother looking at whoever it is. The door shuts and I hear a chair scraping along the ground. That catches my attention, I look up and see Armin looking at me, with a white box clenched to his chest, he had moved to chair in front of the door to prevent people from coming in.

He moves to sit next to me again, carefully, watching me with calming blue eyes. He sets the box down and opens it, it’s filled with medical supplies. He slowly reaches for my hand again, but I still move it away, clutching it to my chest. I look away from him glaring at the window.

“Jean if you refuse to go to the infirmary, then you have to at least let me help you.” Armin said insistently. “I’ll clean and stitch you up, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I’m here to listen if you need me to be.” He says a little more softly. I can feel his eyes watching me and then I feel his hand on mine, and I don’t pull away, but instead I look at him and let him take it.

He takes a pair of tweezers out of the box and starts pulling shards of glass out of my hand. He puts the tweezers down and turns my hand over, inspecting it. “I’m making sure I didn’t miss any.” He says quietly, when he was satisfied he pulled out a bottle filled with some liquid. He put a bit of the liquid on the cloth and said, “Its hydrogen peroxide, it’s to clean the wounds and make sure they don’t get infected. It might sting a little.” He gently began dabbing the cloth on my cuts. I looked at his face as he did so, he was completely concentrating on the task at hand, his eyebrows were slightly bunched, but he looked calm, like he had done this before. He noticed me looking and looked away quickly. He pulled out a roll of gauze and began wrapping the palm of my hand, once satisfied that it was covered, he cut it and tied it off.

He took my left hand, and repeated the process, but this was the one with the piece in my wrist. Once he finished wrapping that hand in gauze too he said, “This is going to need stitches.” He took my wrist and pulled the shard out and the wound began to bleed profusely, he grabbed another cloth and held it against the wound until it stopped gushing so much. He pulled out a needle and what looked like fishing line, he put the needle in a clear substance that looked like alcohol. While the needle soaked, he put on a pair of gloves, “I just want to make sure I don’t infect it while I stitch it up.”

He threaded the needle and took my wrist,”I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

“It’s fine.” I say, my voice is raw and cracking. He nods and starts stitching the wound. I flinch as the needle first pierces my skin, but I just bite my lip and let him continue. He puts three stitches and ties it off. He dabs some more of that peroxide stuff on it and then covers it with some gauze. “There, all good.” He smiles at me and pulls off his gloves.

“You must think I looked pathetic.” I say quietly. He looks at me, and places his hand over mine.

 “No Jean, you just looked like you were in pain.” He pulls out a clean cloth and a bottle of water, and stars cleaning a cut on my face. I watch him, and I notice how concerned he looks for the first time. He means it, he’s just worried about me. I notice his hands shaking as he cleans the cuts on my face.

“That’s a pretty extensive kit you’ve got there.” I say.

He smiles, “Yeah, I got into the habit of keeping one when I was younger because Eren was always getting into stupid fights to protect me from some bullies and getting himself hurt.”

I let out a little laugh, “At least he fought to protect you, I just fought a mirror and I think it won.”

He laughed, “I don’t know Jean, you have him quite a beating.” He started putting his supplies back in his box. “If you want, I can go get a broom and help you clean up.” He smiled at me and moved the chair back to its place in front of my desk.

“That’d be great, thank you Armin.” And for the first time in a while, I smiled.


End file.
